I liked this one. I had a good time, dancing around and drumming. Mr. Teddy followed me around (that’s my dog) and I enjoyed playing pied piper. It was a joyful activity, more so than some of the other things I’ve done. It felt more like PLAY.
I did have some issues, though. Two, actually.
#1 – I wasn’t able to do this daily. Doing anything daily is becoming a horrible strain.
#2 – The second issue I had was, I felt I needed to do it indoors and in the afternoon, or I would be ‘bothering other people’. Mind you, I live in a townhouse, a duplex, and the buildings are literally 10 feet from each other, so any noise anybody makes is heard. Drumming tends to be like other low-pitched sounds – really carries. This idea of ‘being a bother to other people’ actually merits exploration.
It’s a long-term issue of mine, stemming from the verbal (and sometimes physical) attacks I got as a kid. I’m so terrified of drawing attention to myself at times, that I literally lose the ability to speak. I feel like a mouse surrounded by a pack of cats.
At times, I don’t care. I have no trouble speaking my mind, and carrying on rational debate, or dancing, silently. It’s something specific to making noise that brings on tremendous fear. Dancing and moving – ok. Chanting – a slight problem, if no one else is doing it. Singing or drumming – completely lose my voice. I can perform in plays, I can do public speaking. The caveat seems to be that when I do those things, other people are in agreement that I can, or other people are expecting that behavior.
I should become a street performer or something, so that I learn that when I annoy the crap out of people, it’s okay – it’s their problem, and not something I have to immediately stop doing just because somebody doesn’t want me to. I’ve become terrified of other people’s reactions to my standing out in some way. It’s okay for people TO LEARN TO ACCOMMODATE ME, SOMETIMES, TOO.
I need to think about this more! What a great activity for this week. It brought up a HUGE issue for me.