Personal wisdom, or lack thereof

Part of the reason I had a difficult time, at first, to seeing my own brand of wisdom, is that I know the outcome of my decisions 😉 . Hoo boy.

As I sat with this for awhile, I came to the conclusion that my life was rather like an unbalanced teeter-totter, with wisdom stuck up in the air on one side, and being an amadan, firmly planted on the ground I might add, on the other. It showed the signs of awakening wisdom in my life when I was actually able to see this, and to understand that this is normal, human, and absolutely nothing wrong with it. It didn’t make me a horrible, bad person who deserved punishment for making mistakes and being stupid.

I have been working to balance that teeter totter ever since. Balance, because to eliminate one side is a) impossible and b) well, foolish. We all need our amadan side, too. This was the beginning of my walking with wisdom.

My brand of wisdom shows up in certain rather subtle ways – in order to grow, for instance, I needed to feel safe in the world, and I needed to create a safe container for myself. I was able to do this. It was wisdom to walk away from an abusive marriage, a dead-end job that offered little in the way of creativity, social responsibility and challenge. It was wisdom to take the time to heal and craft a life that better suited my needs – well, I have to be honest – that actually took my real needs into account instead of what everyone else expected from me. Of course, the fact that I created all that to begin with (oops), shows where the amadan side comes in.

It was wisdom to persevere in developing my spiritual path and my artwork, in spite of the ugliness it engendered from key intimates in my life (who are, quite frankly, no longer intimates).

I use the phrase here ‘walking with wisdom‘, because that is, I realise, how I see it. Wisdom, for me is a verb. It is a process. It is something you engage with, and grow with, like a friend that grows from an acquaintance to an intimate. Like any relationship, it takes work – energy, effort and time – and attention.